


Monster

by Sinsanity



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Manipulative Deceit Sanders, Manipulative Relationship, Other, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse, but not very graphic, its pretty dark, lots of talk about abuse though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 12:52:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15707604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinsanity/pseuds/Sinsanity
Summary: "I knew the moment I met him, he was a horrible man that left the people around who loved him burned and scarred. Scattered with bruises and cuts that would leave a mark on them forever. Still, I held out my heart for him to hold. I gave it to him without him lifting a finger."





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the tags. I didn't get too deep into the abuse, but it's mentioned throughout the entire fic so be safe!

I wish I could say it wasn’t always like this. Him spitting these cruel words at me when I so much as spoke in the wrong pitch. I wish I could be honest and tell myself that he used to be good to me. Good for me.

But I can’t.

From the first day I met him, he was throwing punches at me and telling me how little I was worth. He lied every day about nearly everything. The one thing he never hid though, was his true nature. His abusive personality that anyone who got close to him would have to deal with.

He knew how to manipulate people into doing his bidding. He had a silver tongue that made you want to please him, even when it was obvious nothing would ever be enough for him.

I never fell for his charms. He didn’t lie and woo me into his arms like he did the others. Yet in the end, even I was wrapped tightly around his finger and shoved beneath his thumb.

I knew the moment I met him, he was a horrible man that left the people around who loved him burned and scarred. Scattered with bruises and cuts that would leave a mark on them forever. Still, I held out my heart for him to hold. I gave it to him without him lifting a finger.

That was the worst decision I ever made. It was the decision that changed me forever. Because from that moment on, my heart was crushed in his palm. He tore it apart and sewed it back together, and yet it took me three years to leave. To take my heart and run to a place where I would be safe.

My past was no longer a secret to those I love. To those who love me. They know everything about that man and his cruel ways. They know the reasons I kept my heart locked away beneath thick fabric and a cold exterior.

They know that nobody is to blame, save for me. Because I knew from day one who he was and what he did. I knew he could kill me within a day if he thought my death would appeal to him. Yet, because I was naive to the cruelty that lies in the world, I loved him.

I loved him when he hurt me. I loved him when he hurt others. I loved him when I refused to find love for myself.

One day, Roman had come to me, a few days after I revealed the truth. His face was somber as he sat next to me and asked, “why?”

I wanted to cry then and there. I wanted to collapse to the ground and beg for his forgiveness. To ask him to forgive my mistakes. My existence. But I didn’t. Instead, I once again told him the truth.

“I thought I could fix him.”

He looked at me with such wide-eyed surprise, as though the thought I had was insane. I guess it was. To think one simple man could fix a monster like him. Insane would barely scratch the surface of such a mindset.

That was the truth. I had seen him screaming slurs at some fragile person and had set my heart on curing him. I had believed if I loved him and showed him affection and patience, just maybe he could be a good man. Maybe I could melt the ice around his heart and save him from himself.

I was delusional in the sense that I thought he was the one in need of saving. In the end, I was the one who needed saving. Both from myself and his grasp.

Now I lay here, in the warm embrace of people who love me. They weren’t perfect and all of us carried baggage, but it was enough.

There was Patton, the man who had helped me to find what it meant to love yourself. He taught me to know my limits. To know when to rely on someone else. He taught me to trust others and once again realize that good existed in the world. In turn, I helped teach him to be careful. To love and trust people without leaving yourself open to harm. I became a rock, someone who understood when it all became too much.

There was also Logan. A stoic man who had trouble trusting what he felt, believing emotions were a weakness. He taught me to understand how not everything has a positive outcome. He taught me to think before I do, to find the problem and think of a solution. I helped him open up to a part of himself he repressed. I helped to teach him how emotions could be a strength. How even the negative emotions could make a person stronger.

Lastly, there was Roman. At first, we didn’t get along, and partly it was my fault. I saw too much of who I once was in him. His need to take care of everyone and believing everyone needed a hero, that he needed to be that hero.

But eventually, we learned how much we needed the other. Roman was the one who showed me how to love myself no matter my mistakes. He showed me that he was not like I used to be, that he was able to recognize the difference between a human and a monster. He helped me believe in myself, to erase those filthy words of _him_ from my head. And I, in turn, taught him to take care of himself. I reminded him that sometimes he had to come first if only so he could be a hero for a longer amount of time. I showed him the ugly side of the world and taught him to recognize things to look out for.

Maybe it was my fault that I ended up in the clutches of that monster. My fault that I suffered for three years and ended up with a heart shattered to pieces with scars on my body and mind. Perhaps I was the only one to blame.

But it didn’t matter, because had I not tried to fix that monster, I would have never ended up here today, held in the arms of the three people who I loved. The only people I cared for and trusted with my stitched heart.

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't really supposed to be anything "good", it was kind of a little inspiration oneshot thing because I got stuck on Flightless, YDKWIL, and Runaway.  
> Also, life is stressful and I'm procrastinating (Again).


End file.
